Golden Throats Volume One: The Great Celebrity Sing-off

Various Artists

Rhino Records, 1988



My very first review for "The Daily Vault" was actor Don Johnson's Heartbeat. Since then, I've reviewed albums by the usual: Robert Palmer, Roger Waters. I decided for my next review would be similar to my first: Actors/actresses taking a crack at the music business.

Back in 1988, Rhino Records released Volume 1 of Golden Throats, a look at well-known actors and actresses who took a turn at clearing their throats, and trying what everyone else does in the music business: NOT playing instruments, but SINGING! Since then, Rhino now has not one, but four volumes in the Golden Throats tradition!

Some people may not even like the idea in knowing that an actor/actress can sing. Especially the ones on this album. You say to yourself: "He/She can sing?" To be quite honest, the entire Golden Throat series proves one thing, and one thing only: That these actors/actresses CANNOT sing, worth a DARN!

It is only fair to list each song by each artist for this review. So, let us take a deep breath, and a big gulp, and see who's who:

1) "Proud Mary" by Star Trek's Leonard Nimoy: This song starts out the album, proving the fact that if you don't have a good stomach listening to someone singing bad, you may just want to quit while you're ahead and stop listening. His voice is bad, and so is the music. If John Fogerty wasn't dead, he'd want to be.

2) "It Ain't Me Babe" by Family Affair's Sebastian Cabot: Well, if you know you can't sing, you can take the song's lyrics and just recite them. Again, this song is JUST SO BAD! It's not really a song, it's Sebastian reciting The Turtles' song as if he was reading a bedtime story with bad music in the background.

3) "Blowin' In The Wind" by Green Acresmy_heart_sings_the_harmony_web_ad_alt_250 ' Eddie Albert: Not sung in the traditional folk-style of Peter, Paul & Mary, but Eddie's version is kind of groovin', but like the rest of the songs, it is just plain BAD!

4) "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" by Star Trek's William Shatner: Like Sebastian Cabot, "Captain Kirk" recites The Beatles' classic tune in such a way, that it sounds like he's sexually excited about Lucy being in the Sky and all. At least Sebastian Cabot had better reading abilties than Shatner's. Shatner really sounds like he's out of space somewhere.

5) "Whiter Shade Of Pale" by Noel Harrison: Well, at least Noel's trying his best to sing, but he can put you right to sleep! Where's that classic Procol Harum organ when you need it?

6) "I Can See For Miles" by Frankie Randall: Imagine listening to this Who song in "elevator music" style, with a bad singer. "I can see for miles and miles... Oh, yeah...."

7) "Try A Little Tenderness" by Dragnet's Jack Webb: It's not as soulful as Otis Redding's. But, like Sebastian Cabot and William Shatner, Jack Webb's version sounds like a guy reading a love letter to his girlfriend/wife. The music isn't that bad, it's kind of romantic!

8) "Twist And Shout" by Mae West: OH GOD, THIS IS THE WORST! Sung in the style of John Lennon & The Beatles. After hearing her sing, and then her saying, "Come up and see me sometime," I'd think I'd pass on that one.

9) "House Of The Rising Sun" by Andy Griffith: This version is NOTHING compared to The Animals' version! Words can't describe how bad this tune is!

10) "Mr. Tambourine Man" by Star Trek's William Shatner: And if "Lucy In The Sky" wasn't bad enough, they had to put another one of his in!

11) "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" by "Gomer Pyle" Jim Nabors: This song makes you feel like you're listening to a bad lounge band wearing bad tuxes. Oh, did I mention the word BAD?

12) "Like A Rolling Stone" by Family Affair's Sebastian Cabot: What, him again? Well, he's reading the lyrics again. Some people think that Bob Dylan can't sing, but, I'd rather hear Dylan's version.

13) "White Room" by Cabaret's Joel Grey: Trying to sing a classic psychedlic tune like Cream's "White Room" just doesn't cut it for Mr. Grey. Again, I'm in that bad longue room again!

14) "If I Had A Hammer" by Star Trek's Leonard Nimoy: "If I Had A Hammer," I'd use it against this song.

Who knows why these people decided to take a shot at singing a tune, but despite how bad they sound, each song was from previous released FULL-LENGTH albums, showcasing their quote-unquote "singing" abilities. Believe it! The liner notes show each album cover! And, believe it or not, both the Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner albums have been re-issued on CD!

Despite how bad the songs were, I couldn't resist but to get the remaining volumes in the Golden Throats series.

If you really want to punish someone, or yourself, set the "Repeat All" button on your CD player, then strap the hands against a chair. (Kind of like Billy Joel's "Pressure" video.) See how long you can tolerate listening to this album without jumping out of the straps to turn it off.

My rating for this album is quite obvious, an F, but an F for Funny: So funny, it's pathetic.

Rating: F

User Rating: Not Yet Rated


I got this on tape back in 88 and have not stopped laughing since. Play this tape at parties after everyone is really sauced and watch the reactions!

My favorite personal memory of this tape is playing it in the car on the way to a family vacation. I told my Dad it had a lot of famous celebrities singing on it. My Mom, who was in on the joke, said nothing.

After the last song ended, my Dad asked if there were any more tapes like that around. My Mom's jaw hit the floor and I said with a straight face - NO!

EVERY CD collection should include this disc!

© 1997 Eric E5S16 and The Daily Vault. All rights reserved. Review or any portion may not be reproduced without written permission. Cover art is the intellectual property of Rhino Records, and is used for informational purposes only.